Clean Pearly Whites

We've been to the Dentist a thousand times so we know the drill. 

Today I had another wonderful opportunity to go to the dentist. 

My name was called and I followed the familiar dental assistant to my room. You see, I have the same dental assistant every time. We know everything about it each other. I mean, these assistants ask you some pretty intense questions while starring in your mouth. So I ask them intense questions in return. Therefore, we know everything about each other. Except...her name...what is her name? 

Anyway so I sit in the armchair while I am informed that my appointment will have to be cut short because I was 15 minutes late. That is fine with me. It's like a Christmas present!

So the doctor comes in and pushes the button on my chair to make it lay back. It begins to move backward and I start slipping out of the seat. My sweats can't grip the seat much longer! The dentist stops laying back the seat and I reposition myself. But I never know where to stick my head! Especially cause "crap, my hair's in a bun" so my head won't lay anywhere. To this remark, the dentist told me that "Buns are the new fashion." Thank you. You are so stylish yourself. I mean look at that nice white jacket and mouth cover. You look like a scientist about to dissect and baby seahorse. I'm never wearing my hair in a bun ever again.

I look up at that lacrosse-stick-shaped light that's not even yellow, it's like a weird orange. Then the dentist uses that tiny mirror that looks like a golf club and looks at my teeth. Then the thought occurs, "You know, if I wanted, I could bit off your finger right now." But I restrain because Mr.  Dentist compliments my teeth. Why thank you. These baby's are worth like $10,000. You could buy a car with that! Thank you Mrs. Toothfairy, for donating to the cause. The things Americans do to make their teeth look nice...

Well then I am informed that my wisdom teeth are growing in and my mouth is too small for them (shocker, I know), so I must get them pulled in 8-12 months. Goody goody gumdrops. How would you like to be a dentist? You get to tell people everything that's wrong with the bottom part of their face....that actually sounds pretty fun. 

Anyway so then the assistant takes over and because we are short on time, she refrained from talking and cleaned my teeth. That is fine with me! Another Christmas present! So my eyes look down at her and her face is so close to mine. I get a little uncomfortable and accidentally swallow the nasty drill-cleaner-stuff. And no matter where I move my tongue, it's always in the way of the drill! 

Next comes my favorite part. Fluoride. Yum. 

Actually it makes me gag. That's always fun. 

So as I'm holding back gags, I look at the clock. The fluoride must sit for 1 minute. Well the clock has no second hand so I can't count it down. Just to be cruel, I think they keep the fluoride in your mouth for a few extra minutes, just to see how insane you become. She finally takes it out and next really is my favorite part. She gives me the sucky thing!!!! With this, I let it suck out all my yummy spit and fluoride and I see how dry I can make my mouth. Just for kicks. Then the assistant takes it away from me and lets me leave. 

Oh p.s. "Please don't eat or drink anything for the next 30 minutes." 

But I'm hungry!!!! Too bad. 

Now let me say- my Dr. Dentist is actually very nice but I'm not too fly with people stickin things in my mouth. The human mouth is a disgusting place. I mean after having a lipbumper, braces, 7 teeth pulled, spacers, expanders, more braces, rubber bands, sealants, who knows how many retainers, whitening strips, Gingivitis (not anymore), now wisdom teeth and so on, I am tired of having people stick stuff in my mouth!

But watch. I'll probably be a dentist one day. Don't judge me.